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Here’s Why It May Be Time To Dump The Friend

Are friends leaving you pissed off, drained, or unmotivated after most interactions? If so, read the following reasons on why you may consider dumping your friend(s).

Polarizing Views

Now this one is tricky. It’s tricky because we really do need people in our lives that challenge our thinking in meaningful and constructive ways. However, when your challenges turn into arguments with the other party or vice versa, it’s time to let it go. That takes us into the next point, morals and values.

It’s important to surround ourselves with people who have the same morals and values. If you’re constantly finding yourself in situations that you’re uncomfortable in, your values probably don’t align. Allowing yourself to continuously be uncomfortable leads to heightened stress and anxiety levels that erode your health and well-being. Dump the friend.

They Don’t Give Back

Whether it’s your money, time, listening ear, clothes, food, or energy. Evaluate your relationship if that person is constantly taking and not offering anything to the friendship. Also evaluate if your experience with them is solely a transactional relationship of give and take. For example, they may only want to hang out if the first round is on you, that is transactional. Trust me, you can find people that will enjoy your company for free. 

Listening to problems can be a red flag if the same is not reciprocated when the tables are reversed. I find it hard to share my problems as I don’t want to feel like I’m bothering the other person. Therefore, I rarely go to my friends with problems. Rather, I’m normally the listening ear. My eyes were open when I lost a relative and found that most of my relationships were one-sided. I continue to be salty about this, but learned a valuable lesson and am grateful for the awareness.

They Invalidate Your Feelings

Another thing to watch out for is if they invalidate your feelings when they do listen. If they frequently dismiss your feelings or make statements like, “get over it” or “it’s not that bad”, you may want to re-evaluate your friendship. People like this tend to want to dismiss or rush over your feelings so they can get back to themselves. In other words, they hear you, but they don’t really listen.

Your Friendship is Forced

You hang in the same circles and have the same friends. Jane is always insisting that you hang out with everyone in the group although you really don’t enjoy the other peoples company. However, you feel bad saying no when they send an invite and they view you as a friend because you’re friends with Jane. The truth is, you don’t want to be friends with Jane’s friends.

This happens very often and we subject ourselves for years or even decades of hanging out with people that may not have our best interest at heart or we simply don’t like, just to placate the friendship with Jane. Tell Jane you value your one on one interactions with her and that an occasional group activity is fine, but not for every meeting. If they honor your request, they are your friend. If they don’t, they probably don’t like you as much as you think. I admittedly had to realize that one of my friends didn’t like me enough to honor this request and so I dumped the friend.

You Feel Drained After Contact

I’m naturally introverted so most interactions with people leave me feeling drained. However, there is a good drain and a bad drain. Before the pandemic, an occasional night out with friends left me drained, but it also left a smile on my face and thoughts about what we could do next. However, if you hang out with a person and you always come away with a negative experience that you feel is ultimately draining the life out of you, repeat after me: IT MAY BE TIME TO DUMP THE FRIEND.

You Have Grown Apart

This one is hard and it goes into the forced friendship category. If you have a friend that you grew up with, but it feels harder and harder to connect, then the longevity of the relationship may not be enough to save it. If you feel like there is still hope, try to bond on the things that made your relationship meaningful all those years ago. However, if you simply cannot find a single thing you have in common, or you have grown to have polarizing ideas, or you are working harder on the friendship than that person, you may need to dump your friend.

If the Good Outweighs the Bad

In most of the instances above, dumping the friend is probably the best option. However, if the good outweighs the bad and you just can’t justify dumping your friend, talk to them about the grievances you do have to see if you can come to a resolution. No one is perfect and friendships can be complicated and messy simply because we as human beings are complicated and messy.

The thing to determine is the friendships’ affects on your mental health and well-being. It’s not about the quantity of friends, it’s about the quality. If you can effectively communicate with a friend and that person is open to actively working on the relationship, you don’t always have to dump the friend. However, until you sort out your disagreements, create healthy boundaries to keep your mental state intact.

Did you have to dump a friend? Share your experiences below!

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